Helping Those Who Care for Parkinson's Patients
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Maybe I'm just really tired today and it's a bad day, or perhaps I am exhausted from the constant yells for help at 2, 3, 4am night after night after night. I haven't slept through the night in forever, can't even remember when the last time I did that even was. Whatever the reason, I am so very frustrated and actually angry now. This afternoon my husband peed all over our sofa. Again. It's a fabric solid color sofa. He tried to hide it by covering it with a blanket, but he didn't cover all of it and I could see the telltale stain that had seeped deep and down the front of the cushion. He told me he never has accidents and this is his first one. Yet I was helping him up at 2am this morning from a puddle of urine on our living room floor. I reminded him of the many times he has, and he got mad. Tonight I finally told him that he has got to start wearing the protective undergarment, or something to help with this problem, period. I told him it is unfair for him to place his ego above our needs for hygeine and that he is ruining things that cost a lot of money by refusing to cooperate. We cannot afford to replace them, and even if we could, I'm not sure that would be a good idea since he would just ruin the new sofa as well. No one in the family will sit on the sofa, nor on the chair he peed on. He refuses to acknowledge the problem or do anything about it. I've bought him Depends, pads, a bedside commode, but they all sit there, unused. It's maddening. What in blazes can I do? We are supposed to visit family at Christmas but I am very reluctant to take him with us because I don't know what I would do or say if he peed on someone else's furniture (or worse, Lord, can't even think about that). I feel like he is being so selfish in refusing to cooperate and don't know anyone whose PWP acts like this. He is making it so hard to deal with his illness and I don't know why. |
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This may sound a bit harsh but it might be worth trying. Take a picture of each "accident." If your camera can print the date and time, good. If not, write that info on a piece of paper and place it beside the spot. When you have several examples, put together a montage/scrapbook in chronological order. You then have proof of the situation. As a corollary for supporting evidence, you could also take pictures of the laundry piles after accidents, or cleaning bills, etc. This is most assuredly an example of tough love. I apologize if this idea offends anyone. |
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Al, if I am off base here, please step in...you know I never am offended!...Here goes... If this were your kids, would you let this go? Of course not. So, why give him any excuse(s)? You are enabling him by not forcing him to wear the protective garments. That may sound harsh, but, it is true. I had to have "the talk" with my mother after my distraught sister-in-law called to say my mother had ruined her couch, two different chairs, and one of her dining room chairs and she was no longer welcome to visit! So, *I* was elected to talk to mom. It was VERY difficult, and I started slowly, but after several protestations, I finally told her that I was telling her to wear protection because she was NOT going to be invited anywhere again! I told her she was being stubborn and it was hurtful to the whole family. Also said it was unsanitary and just plain disgustingly filthy. I think the thing that made the biggest impact was when I asked her if she understood what I was saying or should I talk to the doctor and tell him she was incompetent? THAT brought her to reality, I think...she said, "I am NOT incompetent! I understand what you are saying, I just am not OLD and incontinent!" I said, "You ARE old; *I* am old! But, I love you enough that if you told me this, I would listen and change, because I DO understand!" After a brief quiet spell, she said, "I didn't think it was so bad." Denial. But, the next time she visited here, I asked her what she was using because I was headed to the store. This is a difficult situation, but I thought if I told you how bluntly I handled this, it might help. You have tried to be patient for much longer than necessary, in my opinion. Your family's health is paramount at this point. If he refuses, get on the phone and tell his neuro you need help to make him understand that this is no longer his decision... I do not envy you this, but I also would not live like this. |
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| I understand what you are going through. I want to tell you that my husbands primary doctor gave him medicine to help control his incontinence and it really does help. When I explain to him that he would be upset if a child continued to pee on furniture or floor, or even our dog, it would upset him, he seemed more willing to use the protective briefs. I do admit that some look more comfortable than others. Try several brands until you find something that works for him. |