For those who care for someone with Parkinson's disease
| [Home] [Forum] [Help] [Search] [Register] [Login] [Donate] |
| You are not logged in |
|
| ||
|
I know that this must be the single most unspoken thing, but... My husband and I have been married only 6 years, and the apathy , depression and the lack of forethought he shows in every day life is unacceptable. When he first enterred the middle stages of the disease, he semed inconsiderate (compared to the man I married), and later, his behavior looked like passive-aggressive nonsense (also atypical, for him). As we all know, exercise is the only thing known to delay progression of this disease, and yet my husband refuses to do even the first Bigs exercise, in the chair. If he would do only that, it'd be easier to accept his current state... It's not that he's not able - he manages to get dressed and hike down to the local burrito cart when he wants to. He just won't take the tiniest bit of responsilbility for anything. He has been evaluated for depression, and prescribed antidepressents. Nothing seems to bloody matter, though - he'll do nothing that neeeds to be done to run the house, and everything he pleases, and the fact that the load is killing me simply doesn't matter. This is not a marriage. I am unpaid help. This is not OK. I'm only 55 ... |
| ||
| Hi, welcome to the forum. First thing to do is rule out medication making him act that way (example is he on antagonists like requip? it can cause behavior you describe) Exercise is NOT proven to delay the progression of Parkinson's Disease, to date nothing is proven to. So maybe not getting mad about exercise? You have found a great place to come for help everyone here will try to help and weigh in when they can. I'm sure others will respond as they see your posting. Again welcome to the forum |
| ||
|
Tricia, I believe that it's important to address the title you gave your post. Just to put it out there. I for one (husband was dx62 n82) married my husband knowing he had PD, but would never judge you for deciding that you cannot do this. You are young, and I do not think that you owe your husband more than he owes you. Can he talk to you about what help he wants with his PD? Can you tell him what help you are and are not willing to offer? I know I love my husband dearly and don't contemplate leaving him ever, but that does not mean I will put up with bad behavior that he can at least try to control. Just sayin' -- this is a no judgement zone. |
| ||
| Tricia.....I discussed getting divorced just yesterday, but for a different reason. Before Obamacare rolled two of our Rx into the language of the bill, we had to buy them privately....and now have the fear the over $2000 expense will be our burden again. As I look at collecting Social Security next week, because at 70 I have no penalties or limits on my income to get the largest benefit.....i fear it will all go to buy two drugs THAT WORK, DAMMIT. Divorce would relieve our financial burden, but after 47 years it is hard to swallow the idea. And yes, his pills make him meaner than without them. |
| ||
|
My husband is entering his 8th year with PD and we will both be 69 in a few months. We married very young (18), so in June we will be married 50 years. We have had a long life together, but have had to face many health/death issues in that span of time. We were asked just today how we have been able to weather so many storms, and my husband said, "Patience and commitment." There have been times of extreme anger, pain, and sadness, but the commitment always won out! Maybe it is a generational thing; maybe it is a religious thing, I honestly don't know...But, we always seem to fall back on the commitment. No one promised us life would always be perfect or not have extreme sadness, but as long as the commitment was there, we were better together than apart. This mindset keeps us going. I wish everyone could feel the same. Everyone at times thinks they cannot go on, but you do. And you do the best with what you are given, no judgement implied nor intended. I hope you can take a deep breath, look around in your world, and can find peace. Remember, this disease is the enemy, not your husband. I hope he can let you know how much you mean to him. We all are trying to do our best. Many are much further into this disease, so have a different perspective, but we all have come to learn PD is our enemy...and it is relentless. Take care of yourself. Don't let PD be your life. Your self worth is important. You deserve to be happy and healthy. Good luck to you both. No one here would ever judge your feelings, but we want you to know you are NOT alone...sadly! |
| ||
| So sorry you are going thru this. It is so confusing. My husband has not been officially diagnosed but has every symptom of PD. I think H know he has this disease and is falling apart. After 30 yrs of marriage I found him cheating online recently and threw him out. He is depressed, full of anxiety & totally apathetic. He also was diagnosed with ADHD years ago. I thought At first his symptoms were related to ADHD until he started to fall & get hurt, drag his feet & so on. I do not know what to do either. He just dumped all the responsibilities on me (also disabled - chronic pain & daily migraines) and that was the end. I feel some of his behavior is do to the PD no the ADHD. Or maybe he never had ADHD & it is all PD related. He is not medicated yet. Now that he is out of the home, I do not think he will face any of it. I was willing to go the distance, but having affairs is the straw that broke the camels back. He is just not dealing at all. I filed for divorce & sometime I feel I dodged a big bullet. I love him deeply, but I have to learn it is his life. It is so sad! We deserve a happy healthy life. I think if the person with PD is doing everything within their power to be the best they can be, we can not ask for more. But, if they are not, maybe they need to suffer the consequences. I don't know! Like I said, confusing! |
| ||
|
Folks - I have read, and reread all of your thoughtful replies to my post, and done my best to consider my situation in light of all the different viewpoints you've afforded me. I've heard that these middle stages of the disease are the hardest precisely because the person with PD may have personality changes and emotional-cognitive impairments which appear all out of porportion to the physical symptoms. Nevertheless, my husband cares only for himself, and can seem to address only those needs that are his own. His thoughtlessneess is beyond belief, and when I call him on it, he either denies it ever happened, or finds a way to blame it on me. This is NOT a marriage, it is not even a relationship I would expect any two card-carrying adults to maintain. I don't know what it is, but my own frustration is beyond the pale. We've only been married a short time, and It's easy for me to believe that he married me only to have someone to look after him, and someone to keep him from being alone while he died. I am all too willing to accept whatever offerings my husband is willing to bring, any effort to be a part of things he might make, but the fact that he is willing to offer nothing to our marriage (and then blame me for it!) is simply not all right. He has been sitting his behind up in the house for the last two years, not working, watching me put in 10 and 12 hour days at work and come home disheartened and ragged, while he can't even be bothered to make the bed in the morning. And I don't get that! That's not how either of us were raised. I don't know what will happen next. I had always thought I'd keep him home until either the dementia or transferring became too much for me, but now I don't know... |
| ||
| I have been going through the exact same thing. I have bent over backwards caring for my husband even after he suffered a stroke this spring. I really am done. No one should have to endure emotional abuse. |
| ||
| I am new to the site and just noticed your post which is a few months old now. I just wanted to wish you well and let you know that I understand completely what you are going through. I actually had asked my husband for a divorce last year and then let him convince me to give it one last try.....he was diagnosed with PD 3 months later. At first I felt sorry for him and somewhat relieved in finding that there was a reason for the way he was acting, lazy, unmotivated and uncaring. I too am fairly young...61. My husband is 70. I am not ready for all of this. I feel like I live the life of a much older woman. There is no marriage. I am his caregiver...period. I wonder and fear what the future holds. This disease has unknowingly made me fall out of love with him and now I cannot leave. |