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Topic Help in getting husband to go to a facility Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By Wearyandafraid On 2019.03.06 17:09
My husband was diagnosed with Parkinson's and dementia almost 9 years ago. He retired after the diagnosis and at that time decided he would drop out of life, no hunting, no fishing, no golfing, no poker club. In our 43 years of marriage he could be verbally abusive but as the last nine years have passed his health has declined and his aggression has increased. He in stage 3 renal, has multiple heart issues including AFIB, blood clots in his lungs, prostate and bladder issues, has fallen and broken his arm off at the shoulder, has had a stroke and spent the last 2 1/2 months in the hospital due to complications from surgery.
The worst part of this journey began four years ago when he began obsessing about me having relations with anyone and everyone. I had to leave two jobs (I still have to work to pay for his meds) and I dread going home at night. Prior to having 24/7 sitters with him, he would beat my face and arms black and blue, but I kept hanging in. Now he cannot get to me because of the sitters but continually if vulgar, speaking about horrid things in front of the sitters, cussing me for not having relations with him and now accuses me of having relations with my son-in-law. It has been a rough four years. He is on a marinade of meds for all of his conditions and stronger meds from the neurologist to calm him down but they do not work. He roams the house all night, out of his head and hallucinating about the wildest things. I took him to the neuro who told him "no you do not have to go into a facility" although the neuro knows what is going on. I have begged my husband to go into a facility but he refuses. I do not know how much longer I can stay although after he behaves so badly he professes he remembers nothing and he "LOVES" me. I still work 50 hours a week, get little or no sleep and do not know what to do. I have his durable POA but he becomes cognitive enough when he is at the doctors office to convince them he is fine although the caregivers have pages and pages of documentation of his behavior. Is anyone else experiencing not being able to get a loved one to go to a facility?

By SparkysGal On 2019.03.07 08:03
No way should you have to endure the physical and emotional abuse. Record his abusive language/crazy accusatory conversations on your phone and if you have bruises photograph those as well and take the evidence to the doctor. If the doctor doesn't address the problem immediately I would report him to the medical board and any other authority. Regardless of your love for your husband, your safety and sanity is paramount. I'm sorry if I seem harsh to your PWP but when I read this I just about cried. I know that PD causes many changes that they can't help but... Does he treat the sitters in the same fashion? If he can behave with them, then you need to demand he treat you as well.

By LOHENGR1N On 2019.03.07 08:59
Some of our medication will also cause this behavior and or if he was abusive before these med's will reinforce or cause worse behavior (intensify it) The reason I bring this up is right now is there could be some hope of it lessening if it is med's related however many Doctors will just note the complaint Many times caregivers and patients have to become detectives to research what is happening.

By exhausted wife On 2019.03.07 17:00
[deleted]

By jcoff012 On 2019.03.07 18:32
Dear Weary,
This will be harsh, but I would document everything and take it to a NEW doctor. Both my husband and I have outstanding doctors and I cannot imagine remaining with one who does NOT listen or help either of us. His doctors know me and my doctors know him. It is easier that way.

I know you hesitate because you think it is giving up, but it isnít. YOU deserve love and respect. No one deserves abuse of any kind.

Good luck. Take care of yourself. You are important!

By lurkingforacure On 2019.03.11 11:47
What a difficult situation. I noticed you have "afraid" in your name-that is not a good sign.
If you are living in fear of your husband, you need to get things under control before something happens.

I wonder how this works, and imagine that you might have to call 911 the next time he is violent and have them take him to the ER. From there, I'm guessing he would be evaluated and might be admitted for observation and/or sent to a rehab facility or mental facility for further observation and treatment. If it's the meds, they can take him off of them and sort that all out while he is there-that is not something I would feel capable of safely handling at home.

I am seeing meaner and meaner behaviour in my husband, too, and we have had no med changes at all. The things he says to me are so painful that I just shut down and don't want to talk at all-then he accuses me of being immature and not being able to "forgive and forget" and "move on". It is so hard.

I hope things get better for you:) Please let us know how things work out.


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