Helping Those Who Care for Parkinson's Patients
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Does your PWP act this way? I guess it is better to say nothing, than to be mean, but it is difficult to be a part of this situation...This happens if things are not going his way, or I object to his plans or a statement he makes. “They” say silence is golden, but it isn’t! The tension and stress become overbearing...can go on all day! Then, as suddenly as it happens, he is back to talking and laughing again! A real roller coaster ride! Just wondered if anyone else has these silences...they are coming on more often lately...AlwAys something, huh?! |
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| you're not alone- it's like walking on eggshells every day. Reasoning as we once did before PD just can't happen, yet arguing does no good either so you just have tension and keep things in because you don't want to hurt their feelings. It's a trapped and sad situation- but know that you are not alone. |
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| JCoff, YOPD....I sure hear you on this eggshell issue. And every night it seems to be at dinner time. Tonight I was screamed at the "It was all my fault...and it is just my wanting to control every thing in his life" I wanted to tell him I DO CONTROL EVERYTHING...I COOK YOUR FOOD, HAND YOU THE CORRECT PILLS...WASH 3 SETS OF SHEETS YOU NEED EVERY DAY, DRESS YOU, RUB YOUR BACK, EMPTY YOUR URINAL, CHANGE CATHETER BAG WHEN YOU TEAR IT OFF....but I do it because I have loved him for over 50 years...and I was not cursed with PD...he was |
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My husband had problems expressing himself and near the end barely said anything. Earlier as his disease progressed his voice became fainter and when he tried to tell me something, I couldn't hear what he wanted to say. When I asked to repeat it, the thought was gone from his head. When I would visit him in the nursing home, I would do most of the talking. He never carried on a conversation as the days went on. I would give anything to hear his voice now. All I can say is, try to be patient if you can and not let yourself get stressed when he is silent. Be thankful he can still laugh and talk and enjoy life to some extent. This disease is hard on a caregiver when you are around them all the time. I don't know if you can leave your husband alone, and get a break, but as a former caregiver, I can tell you that you need to look after yourself. Take care. |
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| Lynnie2....I miss you and your posts. |
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Thanks Moonswife, I haven't been on here much since my husband died, but look once in a while. I know how hard it is to be a caregiver and as I said I hope you and others can get a break. I was fortunate to be able to hire some PSW's from the Alzheimer's Society to stay with Wayne for several hours during the week. Also here in Ontario, we have a health system that provides PSW's to come in for an hour to help dress or feed them. At one point I had them coming 4 times a day. It got to be a crisis. I think your spouse is depressed because he can't do things for himself anymore and he's yelling at you because he is frustrated. I know it's hard on you and trying to please him isn't easy. I pray that you can get some relief somehow as you need to look after yourself too. You don't want to get sick from stress. If you can find a support group, that might be a big help too. You aren't alone in this journey. Take care. |
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| I sure can relate. My husband always had bouts with depression etc., but for three years we had an amazing marriage. We are older and have only been married for two years. That all changed close to a year ago. He became continually verbally abusive. He says I would be better off to leave; I have packed my bags a few times. The latest was ranting and berating me for taking a container of Round Up to the toxic waste disposal site. I was accused of being a dictator and trying to drug him so I would not have to deal with him. His psychiatrist recently put him on a low-dose medication to see if it would help with the every-day outbursts. It worked for one week. I am working out, gardening, and keeping myself busy. However, this verbal abuse is escalating. He has never threatened me physically. His daughter has made me promise to leave the house immediately if that ever happens. He has now decided to sleep downstairs and I almost am glad. |
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| I also am met with silence and then "I am done." I leave the room and he will mumble and bumble, rant and rave, for a long time. When he has calmed down and I come back, he either is in silence mode or starts talking like nothing happened. Our biggest issue is food! He does not like anything I prepare except rice pudding! It became so crazy that we now prepare our own meals. I did make ribs the other night; he did not like them and is STILL berating me. I so want to say that he knows where he can put those ribs. I do my very best not to engage in arguing as it only makes it worse. |
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| Absolutely! No more than one question! Most things just go unanswered. Most of the time doesn’t matter the next day... |
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| Wow! It's really great to know I'm not alone in this. Sometime when hubby speaks, I have to literally put my ear up to his mouth to hear him. I can put up with nasty snap-backs (for instance Me-Would you like more potatoes? Him- Can't you see I'm eating here!) But not talking is the worst. Not sure if he doesn't hear me or just doesn't feel like talking. |
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I feel for everyone of you and I know the Parkinson's journey is not an easy one. Even now after my husband has passed, I think of how I might have done things differently.I think I might have done too much for him, but at the time, through my love for him, I did everything I could to make things easier for him. As I said in my other posts, I had help come in order to give me a break, but even before he went to the nursing home, it wasn't enough help. I was up and down numerous times during the night which put a strain on my health for lack of sleep. I was fortunate to be able to put him in a nursing home where he was looked after very well. I realize that this might not be possible for most of you to have help come in your home. I wish things were different for you and I pray that you can find strength to get through this difficult time. Just know that I am thinking of each of you. |
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| I have just joined this group and while I am so sorry to hear that others have experienced this, it is also a relief to know I am not alone. I feel like I am married to a different person and certainly not the man I chose. I need to remind myself continually that that he did not choose or create this situation and cannot help it. It is so challenging to do so much for him and yet to so frequently be the target of his anger and frustration. I thought the motor symptoms would be hard. It turns out that it's the nonmotor symptoms that are the most difficult for both of us. |