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By reluctantcare On 2019.08.03 15:35
How do you deal with giving up driving? My husband has been cited by our condo management company for his reckless driving and last night he hit a neighbor's car. Another neighbor immediately took photos and sent them to that neighbor and said she would file a police report. My husband's doctors encouraged him to take a safe driving program but he refused. I don't drive and rely on public transit, senior ride shares and Lyfts, but he is not open to any of those options. I am afraid he might actually lose his license soon and was wondering how others have coped with a loved one with PD losing their driver's license.

By lurkingforacure On 2019.08.03 22:17
Wait-you're afraid he might lose his license soon? Seriously? It does not sound like he should be driving. At all.

He has been cited for reckless driving already. He continues driving, and has now hit a neighbor's car. A police report is being filed.

You need to think about the lawsuit that will be filed at some point by whoever your husband hits next who might not be so forgiving. What if he hits a child and renders them paralyzed for life, or worse? Could you live with that guilt? Could he? Have you all talked about this possibility/probability?

We all will lose the ability to drive at some point and all of us will have to deal with it. Losing that independence stinks, more for some than others. But the safety and well-being of others on the roads and sidewalks trumps your husband's unhappiness at not being able to drive.

I'm sorry if I sound mean. But if your husband won't take the advice of his doctor, that is telling. He thinks he knows better than his doctor? That will be great evidence in the lawsuit that's filed when he next hits something/someone.

I feel very strongly about this issue and have posted here about it before, as have others. It's not an easy issue. You might want to search the forum for those posts--there are quite a few. Good luck:)

By VioletV On 2019.08.03 22:30
reluctant...I'll add that some have said that if a PWP has been told he should not drive, but does so anyway, then his insurance will not cover an accident. If he damages property or god forbid injures or kills someone, then he can be sued and lose everything. If for no other reason than to protect your assets, please take his keys away and inform the state DMV.

VV

By reluctantcare On 2019.08.04 16:50
Thank you all for your replies. He had another accident today hitting a car coming out of a parking lot and wound up going with a third party to pay an exorbitant amount to get it fixed and keep the insurance company out of it. I have a feeling that the condo management company will inform the state DMV. I suggested today that he give up driving, but he said he would rather die. The problem is that he could kill someone else and he just doesn't care.

By lurkingforacure On 2019.08.04 19:38
Your last post made me lose my mind! Your husband "just doesn't care" if he hurts or kills someone with his driving? Oh, boy.

You may want to talk with an attorney about what liability/responsibility you may have as his wife if you don't take steps to stop him from driving. I'm not talking money, either, although I hope you all have lots of it because it sounds like you may need it when, not if, something else happens.

I'm talking criminal liability, where you might face jail time. Think about that, for both you and your husband. I can see the argument being made that it is criminally negligent for you to not take active steps to keep your husband from driving under the circumstances you have described. And I think, just my opinion, that it is criminally negligent, perhaps grossly so, for him to continue driving when he knows his illness has progressed to the point that he is having these accidents (although I wouldn't call them accidents because most accidents are things that you could not have predicted or expected).

Perhaps your husband should go to see an attorney with you, so that he understands what he is risking by continuing to drive, for the both of you.

By reluctantcare On 2019.08.05 15:47
Oh, yes, he said this in the neurologist's office a couple months ago. Frankly, I'm surprised that neither his primary care, neurologist or cardiologist hasn't reported him yet because they all advised against him driving until he took a Safe Driving Program, which he adamantly refused to do. He would not even consider going to an attorney with me because he is in such a complete state of denial about his condition. He refers to it as a minor inconvenience.

Did I mention that he is a recovering alcoholic who only stopped drinking when he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure? For all I know, his years of drinking could have caused his PD. I was considering reporting him to the DMV, but it won't be considered anonymous in our state. Last year after his subdural hematoma his daughter took the car so he couldn't drive it and he was the nastiest, vilest human being full of vitriol every day he wasn't able to drive. His daughter finally caved to his bullying and gave him the car back. If he ever finds out I reported him, he will make my life even more miserable than it already is living with him.

I'm sorry if I sound so defensive but he is such a complete narcissist that he refuses to consider how his actions impact others. Your advice is very sound, but he is not playing with a full deck.

I agree that it is only a matter of time before he hurts someone and the thought terrifies me. Even my stepdaughter said that if they took his license away he would continue to drive anyway.

By lurkingforacure On 2019.08.05 16:29
If I were in your very difficult and volatile situation, I would not stay in it. Good luck:)

By Checkmate On 2019.08.05 21:20
Reluctantcare
His doctor needs to know how bad the situation has got. The doctor has the right to take his driver license from him. Why not email his doctor with an update and let her/him take it from there.
Someone needs to do the right thing.

By VioletV On 2019.08.05 21:37
Reluctant. This situations sounds very very difficult. If you are still there, you must have powerful reasons (love, money health insurance, religion, culture, etc etc etc). Your reasons are not our business, but in this community we do tend to be interested in each other's wellbeing. In that spirit, I'm saying, please see the attorney by yourself so that you can protect yourself as well as you can.

VV

By ResistanceFutil On 2019.08.11 15:55
Hard battle that you need to win. To be able to live with myself when my impaired husband insisted on driving, he took a test with an OT, who suggested some restrictions. That let me morally off the hook (in my mind). Finally a physician friend whom we vacationed with and who observed my husbandís functioning in general for a week told him in no uncertain terms he was not good to drive.

Itís been over a year now. Your husband probably will survive it. Also, give your auto insurance company a call. Maybe they can help

By debspottery1 On 2019.10.01 10:46
This issue came up with my husband at the Neurologist office and the doctor informed us that the family has the responsibility to tell the Neurologist that the PD patient should no longer be driving- at which time the doctor writes a letter to the DMV - copies to the General Practitioner, that the PD patient should not be driving.


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