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Topic PD a Secret? Go to previous topic Go to next topic Go to higher level

By poollady On 2022.03.16 10:21
Does any of your PWP try to keep it a secret from others? My hubby doesn't seem to want others to know even though he is struggling.

People will take me or our son aside and ask "Is your hubby/father OK? Some will guess it's Parkinson's.

It would be easier if he would just say, "Please be patient with me I have PD" and then they would be more understanding. He's 80 years old so we just suggest it's old age, but a lot people older than he is do better

By DaytoDay On 2022.03.16 13:32
Pool lady…this issue has just arisen for us. We had some neighbors move in yesterday next door and I spoke to them on my own (when I saw the opportunity) because I knew DH was going to try to keep his PD a secret so I had to beat him to it because I feel I want them to KNOW….this helps them to be aware of WHY he is the way he is. It explains a lot, right? So, right after that, I told him I’d run into the new folks & he asks if I told them about his PD, I said yes and he wasn’t very happy but I think he realizes it was going to be hard to keep something like that hidden so he ended up not getting too mad….thank goodness. And besides that, it also clues them in as to why I won’t be available all the time to maybe do things that they may request and why our yard looks like it does, etc… I think it explains ALOT. Had a very very hard day with him yesterday due to him having to have a TWO hour dental appt…he was not a happy camper but he made it through. Sure hope he doesn’t need many of those in the future. Do any of you have problems with dental appointments? His mouth is in pretty bad shape overall. If it’s not one thing it’s another. Sure hope I’m going to be able to keep my sanity through all that may be coming.

By poollady On 2022.03.16 16:09
Thanks DaytoDay, it's good to know others are going through the same thing.

My DH doesn't have dental problems, but right now he is at the eye doctor getting his eyes checked. He has several pairs of glasses, some for close like reading, some for TV watching, etc..........I never know which ones are which so no matter what I'm doing, he asks me to get his "other" glasses. Or else he can't find one or the other and asks me "Where's my other glasses?" [I don't know, I don't wear them]

Anyway he just called from the eye dr, so I gotta go pick him up.

By SparkysGal On 2022.03.17 07:47
My husband in the beginning didn't want anyone to know. Now he is fine with letting people know - it's pretty obvious anyway with his tremors. He is not a particularly private person so I think maybe that has made it easier for him to share.

By PDNewbie On 2022.03.17 22:49
Poollady, we have told family, but my husband would prefer that others don’t know. I have told some friends, in part because I needed someone to listen, and in part because it’s obvious something is wrong anyway. He has all of the classic signs: tremors, shuffling, balance issues etc.

DH does not have dementia, but he does have mild cognitive impairment. He won’t even tell our adult children that part and I can’t say I blame him. I haven’t shared that with anyone either (until now) because cognitive issues are more sensitive.

DH is also deluding himself to some extent. He tells me that his issues are all just part of getting old and he isn’t sure that he even has PD. He views himself as no different than other men his age (79). He is wrong.

By poollady On 2022.03.18 11:04
Exactly. We have a neighbor who is (believe it or not) 100 years old! He looks great. Even though he can't hear or see as well as he wants to he still gets around ok. We saw him and his niece at Bob Evans the other day and he was fine. (Once he realized who we were) In the meantime, DH could hardly eat his sandwich and soup.

I had a serious conversation with DH yesterday and he agreed (sorta) that telling people would make it easier for them to understand.

He also has some cognitive issues. Remembers stuff that happened in 1978, but can't tell you what day of the week it is today.

Anyway Good Luck with yours. It's important to take care of yourself and spend time with family and friends away from him once in a while. How are you gonna take care of him, if you don't take care of yourself first?

By NoMatterWhat On 2022.03.21 00:06
Hello Poollady,
My husband has been quite private about having PD. I am glad he told a few people after keeping it quiet for a while because as you all said, it makes a big difference dealing with others if they can understand the limitations involved. I am not sure if he is ‘ashamed’, I think he is just more private. I am sharing his PD with some of those around me because our behavior would otherwise seem quite odd at times. I feel that I need to help head off anyone asking him to ‘pitch in’ or make him over extend himself. This was a really good question-I am glad you asked it and am interested to know how you are all handling it.
NoMatterWhat


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